I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
