Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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