my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
