Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
