It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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