pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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