He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
