Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
