Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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