Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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