My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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