Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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