I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
