You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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