i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
