She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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