i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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