Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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