I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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