so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
