so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
