There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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