I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
