i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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