chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I intend to get homeless drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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