new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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