At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
