mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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