if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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