I looked at my own cervix.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize