I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
