I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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