When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
