I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
