stop calling my apartment porn island.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
