Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
