hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
