OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
