You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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