Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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