I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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