the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've blown a few things in my day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
