you win again, gameday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
