i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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