so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
how drunk are you?
Several
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I enjoy the company of your penis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
