So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
