Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Couch. On fire.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
