i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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