Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They took my balls.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
