I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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