just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
