If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
