So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
