it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
