This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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