the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think i got beer on your cat.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
