I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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