I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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