You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
