god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
