Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
