apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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