this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
