I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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