U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
