first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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