tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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